ENIGMATIC ARTEMIS

ENIGMATIC ARTEMIS

Do you believe in magic? You will after reading Artemis Fowl.

And charm is the key to what holds the reader here. The juxtaposition of fairies and high-tech hardware is both nonsensical and delightful.

When the eponymous boy criminal Artemis Fowl steals from the fairies, he sets in motion a conflict of epic proportions... For once Artemis Fowl looks like he may be undone by the sheer ingenuity of the fairy folk he has broken every rule to try to outwit. But scratch not very deep beneath Artemis's skin and the tough exterior soon gives way to a very different boy; Artemis himself looks all bad but he [He] has many redeeming features.

Colfer's deft technological inventions have an equally delicate appeal. Robust enough to seem entirely convincing, the descriptions of the technology are gossamer light wth neat references to steer the reader through the 'stuff' without having to go into too much detail.

The result is a rare thing: an action-packed adventure with enough drama for techno-freaks and -phobes alike.

***

How does one describe Artemis Fowl? Various psychiatrists have tried and failed. The main problem is Artemis's own intelligence. He bamboozles every test thrown at him. He has puzzled the greatest medical minds and sent many of them gibbering to their own hospitals.

There is no doubt that Artemis is a child prodigy. But why does someone of such brilliance dedicate himself to criminal activities? This is a question that can be answered by only one person. And he [Artemis Fowl] delights in not talking.

Perhaps the best way to create an accurate picture of Artemis is to tell the by now famous account of his first villainous venture. I have put together this report from first-hand interviews with the victims, and as the tale unfolds you will realize that this was not easy.

The story began several years ago at the dawn of the twenty-first century. Artemis Fowl had devised a plan that could topple civilizations and plunge the planet into a cross-species war.

He was twelve years old at the time ...

(From the Introduction and the Prologue to Eoin Colfer: "Artemis Fowl".) 

I think "fairies" and "fairy folk" in the Artemis Fowl novels are euphemisms for dirty aliens.

Kishalay Sinha [G]

... the strongest of dwarf urges, a genetic memory born from millennia spent tunnelling.

Mulch had a prodigious appetite for tunnelling.

On remand for numerous larcenies: Mulch Diggums, the kleptomaniac dwarf. A dubious individual, even by Artemis Fowl's standards.

Born to a typical dwarf cavern-dwelling family, Mulch had decided early that mining was not for him and resolved to put his talents to another use, namely digging and entering, generally entering Mud People's property.

Things had gone pretty well for a few centuries, and he'd built up quite a lucrative above-ground memorabilia business. That was until his luck had turned, and he'd been arrested over twenty times to date. A total of 300 years in and out of prison.

At present, Mulch was languishing in a stone-walled cell in LEP Central. At least, he was trying to project an image of a languishing, unperturbed kind of dwarf. Actually, he was quaking in his steel-toe-capped boots.

The goblin/dwarf turf war was flaring up at the moment.

'So, dwarf,' sneered the head-honcho [boss] goblin, a wart-faced fellow covered in tattoos. 'How come you don't chew your way outta here?'

Mulch rapped on the walls. 'Solid rock.'

The goblin laughed. 'So what? Can't be any harder than your dwarf skull.'

His cronies laughed. So did Mulch. He thought it might be wise. Wrong.

'You laughin' at me, dwarf?'

Mulch stopped laughing.

The goblin advanced until his slimy nose was a centimetre from Mulch's own. 'You pay-tron-izin' me, dwarf?'

Mulch swallowed, calculating.

The goblin conjured up a fireball around his fist. 'I asked you a question, stumpy.'

Mulch could feel every sweat gland on his body pop into instant overdrive. Dwarfs did not like fire [LASER]. They didn't even like thinking about flames. Unlike the rest of the fairy races, dwarfs had no desire to live above ground. Too close to the sun.

'N-no need for that,' he stammered. 'I was just trying to be friendly.'

'Friendly,' scoffed wart-face. 'Your kind don't know the meanin' of the word. Cowardly back-stabbers, the lot of you.'

Mulch nodded diplomatically. 'We have been known to be a bit treacherous.'

'A bit treacherous! A bit treacherous!'

Wart-face twirled the fireball between his fingers.

'You like fire [laser], dwarf?'

Mulch shook his head.

Wart-face grinned.

'Now ain't that a shame, 'cause any second now I'm going to ram this here fireball down your throat.'

The dwarf swallowed drily. Wasn't it just typical of the Dwarf Brotherhood? What do dwarfs hate? Fire [laser]. Who are the only creatures with the ability to conjure fireballs? Goblins. So who did the dwarfs pick a fight with? What a real no-brainer.

Mulch backed up to the wall.

'Careful there. We could all go up.'

'Not us,' grinned wart-face, snorting the fireball up two elongated nostrils. 'Completely fireproof.'

Mulch was perfectly aware what would happen next. He'd seen it too many times in the back alleys. A group of goblins would corner a stray brother dwarf, pin him down, and then the leader would give him the double barrels straight in the face.

- Eoin Colfer: "Artemis Fowl"

Because My consort is near Me as I watch the divorced Arab female beauties on Al Jazeera, I am having a hard time trying to be neutral and passive. My naive consort asks Me if the females are speaking Russian. I tell her that the good-looking females (My unsuspecting consort agrees that they are good-looking) are probably Arab (Muslim) females!

Kishalay Sinha [G/A/Bh]

নির্লজ্জ unethical treacherous female কে দেখলেই বোঝা যায় দিনরাত illicit আর impractical অশ্লীল অনৈতিক কল্পনা করছে about The Common Target!

কিশলয় সিনহা [ভ]

ইচ্ছে করেই "female" (in the singular) লেখা হয়েছে নাকি in the above text যাতে female competitors রা সবাই at the same time খুশী আর jealous (due to দারুণ uncertainty) হতে পারে ?!! আঃ কি জ্বালা !! আর কি কান্না-মেশা আনন্দ !! এ ত দেখছি রাধা-কৃষ্ণের ILLICIT রোমান্সের modern পুনরাবৃত্তি !!

Female competitors রা সবাই নিজেকে রাধা বলে ভাবে !!

কিশলয় সিনহা [G]