GOOD AND BAD ENGLISH; Introvert; Apple

ON BAD AND GOOD ENGLISH

1. The Colloquial Style -- "Talk"

2. Journalese: The Bad Newspaper Style

3. The Moralizing or "Sermony" Style

4. Oratorical: The Speech Style

5. Good English

1. The Colloquial Style -- "Talk"

What the Cyclist said to the Reporter

"You want to know what happened last night. I'll tell you. I was cycling down the Pimlico Road very late at night and I saw a chap lying by the side of the road. I jumped off and picked him up. He was half dazed and didn't even know where he was. Then he began to pull himself together a bit: told me he had been attacked by some roughs and robbed: they must have hit him a pretty good whack over the head and left him half dead in the gutter. He told me that a couple of motors passed directly after, and that he called for help but they wouldn't stop. He said he spotted the Bishop of Pimlico in one of 'em; seems to be a bit of a swell if he knows a bishop.

"After a bit he got better, and I found a cab and trundled him down to the Three Stars. I was in a hurry, so I told the landlord there to look after him. Oh yes, I did pay the cab; couldn't leave the old boy in the lurch.

"Never saw a Bobby [policeman] the whole time."

2. Journalese: The Bad Newspaper Style

How the Reporter wrote it. (Mind you, he was a bad Reporter and wrote for a poor kind of newspaper.)

                  Alleged Robbery with Violence

While riding his bicycle between two and three o'clock yesterday morning along the unfrequented locality of the Pimlico Road, a young man of foreign extraction named Josefs Movinsky perceived the body of an individual stretched apparently motionless in the gutter. He alighted from his machine and discovered that the victim of the occurrence had been assaulted by some criminals, who after relieving him of his watch and all his available cash, had made off undetected. The unfortunate victim who appears to be well-connected, has not yet been identified. He lies at present at the Three Stars Hotel in a critical condition whither his compassionate rescuer escorted him in a cab. Hopes are entertained of his ultimate recovery. The police are on the alert.

3. The Moralizing or "Sermony" Style

The recent deplorable outrage on the Pimlico Road must not be allowed to pass without our drawing some lessons from it. Does it not bring home to us the terrible insecurity which pervades our life even in the twentieth century? That it should be possible for such an occurrence to take place on so frequented a highway is astonishing. It is surely time that some steps were taken for the better policing of this important thoroughfare, and we may confidently hope that the offenders will be detected and punished. The young man Josefs Movinsky is deserving of the highest praise; although we gather that he is not an Englishman, he has shown that ready compassion that unites the kind hearts of all nations. Indeed, he went further, even assisting the sufferer at his own expense: his conduct indeed offers a lesson to some of our own young people who, we fear, might not have been equally ready to assist, and is an instructive comment upon the attitude of those who condemn unheard all alien immigration. We have the authority of the Right Reverend the Bishop of Pimlico's chauffeur for saying that his Lordship saw what he took to be a drunken man sitting by the roadside.

4. Oratorical: The Speech Style

What Counsel said when defending the thieves who were put on trial. (He was a young barrister, so he wanted to make the most of his chance.)

Now, gentlemen, let us examine this story. Let us look closely into it. It is said that the accused were on the Pimlico Road midnight on that day, but no evidence is offered. Who saw them? No one, gentlemen. Bear that in mind, no one. There is not a scrap of evidence on that point. The unfortunate victim of the robbery believes that he can identify them as his assailants, and no doubt it is an honest belief on his part. But as Josefs Movinsky has told you in evidence, the poor man was dazed and bewildered. Was he in a state to identify anyone? He made a remarkable statement -- a very remarkable statement -- namely, that he saw the Bishop of Pimlico passing in his motor while he was lying on the road. Now the Crown has not put the bishop in the box to support this belief, and whether he went by or not, I ask you to consider whether a man lying half-stunned on the road could have recognized the Right Reverend gentleman as he passed in a motor. A strange delusion! Is it probable? Is it even possible? No! I contend, and I think you will agree with me, that the evidence of identification is not satisfactory....

[They were found guilty and got three years, Counsel failing to explain away the fact that they had pawned the victim's watch.]

5. Good English

I daresay you have already guessed what it is.

Now for the story written in good English. It is a very old story, much older than the English, though that is old also. It runs thus:

A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.

But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him, and went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him. And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, "Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee."

(From "On the Writing of English" by George Townsend Warner, M.A., Late Master of the Modern Side in Harrow School, Blackie & Son Limited, London and Glasgow, Reprint 1950. I bought My copy of this fascinating little book many years ago from Khosla, a second-hand bookshop near St. Stephen's College, Delhi, when I was a young student of St. Stephen's College.)

"In 1915 an English teacher - [G.T. Warner, "On the Writing of English" (Blackie, 1915)] - giving advice to a pupil cautioned him against using the colloquial style..."

    - Alan Warner, "A Short Guide to English Style", English Language Book Society (ELBS), page 163.

As against this, Rudolf Flesch, fascinating teacher of the art of plain talk, gives the invaluable advice WRITE AS YOU TALK. Of course, the advice given by G.T. Warner is right for formal writing, if not for informal writing. (My writings are the finest model of plain talk. - G)

Kishalay Sinha [G]

INTROVERT

WHY is God in human form a FRUSTRATING INTROVERT? WHY is He NOT AN EXTROVERT?

Translation: "We unethical females are DYING to have s. with Him - WHY doesn't He let us have endless unlimited - yes, OK, illicit - s. with Him? We are heartbroken and depressed!"

Kishalay Sinha [G]

কাজল

চোখের নজর কম হলে আর কাজল দিয়ে কী হবে? হয়ত কারণটা অন্য - not চোখের নজর improve করা but দৃষ্টি আকর্ষণ করা !

কিশলয় সিনহা [ভ]

Apple

I don't buy Apple because I am A 100% Honest Guy Who Just Cannot Afford To Buy Expensive Apple Coz He Does Not Have Black Money. (Grapes are sour? - G)

Kishalay Sinha [G]

সর্বনাশ! আরেকটা clone নাকি? ব্যাপার কি? Clones এর ছড়াছড়ি! ভীষণ রহস্যময় ব্যাপার! ক্ষুধিত পাষাণ! অবশেষে সুদীর্ঘ প্রতীক্ষার পর অন্ধকারের রাজার কবল থেকে মুক্তি? Curse broken at last? শাপ মোচন? বিয়ে টিয়ে না থাকলে যে কত ভাল হত! পরমাত্মার সঙ্গে দৈহিক মিলন যে হচ্ছে না! (ছিঃ ছিঃ!) কোন অমানবিক নীরস অজশ্র mistress পতিতার মালিক SPOILSPORT পণ্ডিত যে বিরক্তিকর বিয়েটা আবিষ্কার করল! Satan শঁয়তান পণ্ডিত? (দুষ্ট দুর্য্যোধনরা 100 ভাই ছিল - clones বোধ হয় - দুর্য্যোধন নিশ্চয় বেঁচে আছে ৷)

ভাল গান গাওয়া - songs of any form, modern or classical - সহজ না, not easy, প্রচুর সাধনা দরকার, time pass হিসেবে নেওয়াটা লাইন মারার অজুহাত!

God আর (recently expired) Satan এর পার্থক্য হল যে unlike the lecherous rapist Satan who constantly thought of raping girls and women, God looks upon girls and women with affection mixed with s. desire (WHAT?!!) although ভগবান কোন female কে পাত্তা দেন না !

Kishalay Sinha কিশলয় সিনহা [G, ভ, আ]

ভাগ্যিস্ আমার ধর্মপত্নী জানে না যে তলে তলে কী হচ্ছে! কি হচ্ছে? কই, কিছুই ত হয়নি ৷ মিছেমিছি সন্দেহ ৷ অমূলক সন্দেহ ৷ কারো সাধ্যি নেই আমাকে ফাঁসাবে - আমার সামনে sexy উর্বশী মেনকা ইত্যাদি অপ্সরারা লেংটা হয়ে নাচলেও পাত্তা পাবে না!

Unethical females with illicit s. desire about Him কি লেংটা হয়ে নাচতে চায় in front of Him ? Etc.?!!