PRESENTATION

'I am sure the Board will heartily endorse my expression of our deep respect and lasting affection for Mr Goodsall, and join with me in wishing him a long, happy and fruitful retirement. This little token of our regard will do much, I think, to assure him of the esteem in which he is held.'

'Hear, hear.'

'Mr Chairman, Members of the Board. In voicing my support of all that our President has said regarding the ... ah ... worth of our retiring Secretary, may I just add my small quota of appreciation. I have known Mr Goodsall for a number of years, both professionally and in ... ah ... private life, and I may say that for kindness, patience, generosity, business astuteness and devotion to duty I have met very few to surpass him. In all business dealings he has shown himself to be honest, straightforward, forbearing, just, unselfish and ... ah ... effective. He has served the Board in its best interests for many years and has not spared himself in the furtherance of its progress. He is more than worthy of those who preceded him, and a shining example to those who will succeed him.'

'Hear, hear.'

'Mr Chairman, Members of the Board. Though a comparative newcomer to the Board - I was elected, Mr Chairman, only five and a half years ago - I would consider it remiss of me if I did not add my humble share to the remarks of appreciation that have already been passed. During the short time I have worked with him I have been continually impressed by Mr Goodsall's tirelessness in the execution of his work, his never-failing good temper, his tact and understanding, his sympathy towards the interests of those whom we endeavour to serve, and the business acumen which he has always displayed. May his retirement be a long and happy one, garnished with many tender memories of the years spent with the Board!'

'Hear, hear.'

'Mr Chairman, Members of the Board. I am the last to encourage repetition of any sort. But on this auspicious occasion I would feel it an opportunity missed if I failed to give voice to my personal regard for Mr Goodsall's attributes. For courtesy, good intent, conscientious and - ahem - all-round ability it would be well-nigh impossible to find his equal. I have known him since - ahem - far-off days, and my admiration for him has never flagged. Our affectionate memories of him will, I trust, be similarly long-lived.'

'Hear, hear.'

'Now, if Mr Goodsall will step forward, I shall be pleased to present him with this handsome fishing rod and tackle, on behalf of the Board, as a testimony of our lasting gratitude and good wishes. Mr Goodsall.'

'MR GOODSALL!'

'Osbert, where is Mr Goodsall?'

'Mr Goodsall was unable to attend the meeting, sir. He sent his apologies earlier this afternoon.'

'Confound it! If that isn't typical of the man.'

- 'Presentation' (Punch, 17 September 1952), in "ENGLISH IN EVERYDAY USE A Course for Advanced Students" by L.G.V. ALVES, Oxford University Press, London, First published 1960, Reprinted 1961, 1962 (with corrections), 1963, 1964.

This humorous piece sounds like a very funny composition by humorist P.G. Wodehouse.

Last time I searched Google, I could NOT find a biography of Professor L.G.V. Alves, an Oxford don, I guess. (A pen name of Dr. Wilfred Funk?) I hear that the delightful humour/humor magazine Punch has gone out of circulation. (Wonderful Reader's Digest, Inc., American publisher of the original U.S. magazine Reader's Digest, has gone bankrupt, according to CNN. Why do good people and good magazines suffer? The painful word "suffer" reminds Me that mysterious Cynthia of UIUC - a gal I never met - wrote on the message pad on the door of her room in the co-ed UIUC graduate dormitory almost opposite My room on the other side of a corridor: "Oops! ... After all, I suffered for you today. ... Don't forget your keys." - READ MY SHORT STORY 'Cynthia' online for amusing details. Was 'Cynthia' actually Sita in disguise, in search of God?!! My consort tells Me that Cynthia must have been a black female and that she must have written "KISS" and not "KEYS" on the message pad. I often tell My conceited and arrogant consort Swarna Lakshmi - Golden Goddess of Wealth - that I think she may be an innocent-looking alien in human disguise, who was married to Me to spy on Me! And that she is a nonentity coz the alien leader Satan is finished and all the other male and female aliens are ZEROS, and that male and female ALIENS have constantly changed their skin color etc. over billions of years to fool humans, but that the game is up coz Satan was terminated a few years ago by God Himself - I have informed My consort again and again of the secret identity of God Who is present in human disguise right in front of her!)

Kishalay Sinha [G]